Out With the Old, In With the Flu
Alert: this post from 2016 is a vulgar lashing from the mouth of someone who couldn’t take it anymore. A woman who couldn’t face another chest cold or coughing fit, and the inexplicable head pain that came with it, and relied on copious amounts of prescription medications to eek out a sad and hopeless existence. A person who had seen dozens of doctors and specialists that rode the coattails of every doctor and specialist that came before who misdiagnosed her since she was in high school, rather than seek the true cause of her condition. A soul rapidly losing its will to an affliction it couldn’t possibly understand in its current state.
Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick.
Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
That soul was me, and I was pissed.
This post is important because it’s the first true whisper—nay, DECLARATION—of the changes to come. Five months later I would be guided to stop all my medication—not by a doctor, but by…something else. A few months after that I would finally receive a proper diagnosis of Chiari malformation in my brain, opening the door to new challenges and, ultimately, a real life.
Read on, if you dare. It only gets better from here.
1/1/16
HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR
So, I didn’t wake up the way I expected. I wasn’t in a state of calm resolve to make 2016 the best year of my life. No, instead I was angry and exhausted after a long night of nearly coughing myself to death from combination cold + asthma.
I realized that maybe it was better to wake up angry because I am completely intolerant of this situation. I am completely finished with this “disease,” and my new—and perhaps only—mission of 2016 is to rid myself of asthma and all of its nasty effects. Or, find out what the fuck is really going on. This is not the way a person is supposed to live and I refuse to accept the notion that the best I can do is treat the symptoms for the rest of my life. I’m young and I believe I can heal. I’M GOING TO HEAL. That’s it. Period.
Deal with that universe. Because that’s what’s happening.
I am going to get off this medication—all of this medication—and I’m not going to cough anymore. I’m going to exercise my right to breathe free and clear.
I fucking love air.